i barfeds in our rink
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
