man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
