this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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