some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
