i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
