think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
