Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
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