i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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