I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
