I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
