butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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