sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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