a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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