She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
