yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
