Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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