I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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