Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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