I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
