my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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