as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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