I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
