At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
