Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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