Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
