Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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