so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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