I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
