Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Floor bacon is actually really good
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
