that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
