Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think i peed on brittanys purse
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
