dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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