I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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