I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
