I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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