Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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