"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
