not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
