dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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