Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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