did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
