The maid of honor just puked.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
