Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
