I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
