Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
try to milk me bitch
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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