I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
