Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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