I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
