problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
