clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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