i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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