if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
