Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
