maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
