Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
