all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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