im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
